


The Perfect Gem

by A_CombinationOfLetterzAndNumberz23



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Female Character of Color, Black Character(s), Black Female Character, Daddy Kink, Dark, Dark Character, Dom/sub, Drug Use, Emotional Manipulation, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Hand Feeding, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Sex, Light Dom/sub, Manipulation, Non-Consensual Spanking, Oral Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Spanking, Stockholm Syndrome, soft dom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:09:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_CombinationOfLetterzAndNumberz23/pseuds/A_CombinationOfLetterzAndNumberz23
Summary: Emerald was finally happy, living her best life, surrounded by people who care about and love her. But darkness lurks in the shadows, waiting for the perfect time to snatch her up, because we all know bad things only happen to good people.Emerald is a bisexual Black girl (and yes, in this house we capitalize the 'b' in Black) who works for a non-profit org, helping POC in need find funding for projects, school, and businesses in the area. This is a dark fic because we are in going through dark times and I have some feelings I need to get out of me.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 5





	1. Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> Spotify Playlist for this chapter: Alternative R&B and the chapter title is named after Smoke by PJ. I will be updating the tags as I go so please please pay attention to them. I'll also add trigger warnings before each chapter that has anything that could be harmful to anyone's state of mind. 
> 
> This is my first ever fic so please be nice to me lol. Hope you all enjoy :)

“Emerald!” I heard someone calling my name and snapped my head around to see the bright smile of my favorite work/skate/everything buddy. “Wait up!” I returned the smile as I stopper and waited for Jules to catch up to me. “I thought you were gonna wait for me you jerk,” she said, bumping my arm with her elbow.

“Yea, I was, but you were taking too long and I got bored. Besides it’s been a super long day and I’m ready to go home and just relaaaax.” And I wasn’t lying, I had waited for her, for like 5 minutes but come on, it’s Friday and this week has been a bitch. If I could have flown out of the office window and gotten home faster, I would have done that. She just laughed at me and shook her head as we continued our quick pace to the office elevators. “As if this week hasn’t been long enough, I found out one of the kid’s application I have been working on getting a grant for so he can study on the east coast got rejected. Like I know it was hard coming but I really thought he had a chance, and now I have to try and find something else for him and I just don’t know what to do!” I vented while jabbing the elevator button impatiently.

“Emerald-,” Jules cut in.

“We only have a few more weeks to find the funding for his education or we’re fucked, and that isn’t fair to him, he deserves better Jules.”

“Emerald!”

This time I stopped, taking a deep breath, and glanced at her. “What?”

“It’ll be ok. How many times have you ran out of last resorts and **still** found a solution, huh?” The elevator doors opened with a ding and we stepped in, pressing the button for the main level. As the doors closed, she turned her head to look at me, eyebrows raised, and I scrunched my nose. She was doing that face again, the one she does when she is about to start one of her motivational speeches. “You know I’m right,” and she was grinning like a big goof. And like yea? She is right but also, I just want to complain! Just because I am a doer doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. Not to mention my major anxiety which just loves to rear its ugly ass head at all times, the fear of failure having been instilled in me at a young age.

I rolled my eyes and huffed, “Yea yea you’re right, I know,” smiling just a little bit. The elevator dinged again and the doors opened to the ground floor, I stepped out first, waving to the security guard at the front desk.

“Have a good weekend ladies,” he said with a smile and wave.

Jules pushed the door open and we walked out into the humid, summer heat. “You’ll be at the park tomorrow right? Because Phoebe and Rosalind said they would come. I don’t know about Ruby yet; she might not feel up to it…” I trail off looking at her expectantly.

“I’ll be there, what time did we say? Let’s not go to early this time, I actually wanna be awake to enjoy the skate. Last time I almost broke my fucking neck.”

“Haven’t decided yet, I’ll send a text to the group later and you can make your argument there. You already know how I feel about early morning skates,” I said with a smile and a wink because if you were ever to ask Jules, mornings should be illegal and any activity that takes place before 10 am would be criminal. Now I, on the other hand, love mornings, and physically can’t sleep past 6:30 on a regular morning so I have absolutely no problem with an early morning skate honestly.

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow you little shit,” she says and I scoff. “Hey,” she puts a hand on my arm, “you’ll figure out what to do about the funding, I believe in you pal.” We gave each other a quick hug and I told her thanks before we turned in opposite directions, me going to the L and her grabbing the bus.

~*****~

The cool air hit my face as the grocery store doors slid open and I had to lift my glasses off my face and put them on top of my head, until I could see through them again because the abrupt change in temperature had made them fog up. I’m glad I did my hair in a puff this morning though because I couldn’t deal with my hair being any bigger. I walked straight to the produce aisle, like I do multiple times a week, picking up a basket on the way and grabbed what I would need to make dinner for tonight. Since most of my diet consisted of plants, pasta, and rice it was way easier for me to just stop on the way home and grab a couple of days’ worth of food, especially because I lived alone and barely ate as it was.

The store was mostly empty, so I was able to get in and out. I chose a couple of red bell peppers, a bundle of spinach, and a red onion. Scrolling through the recipe on my phone, I tried to remember what ingredients I didn’t already have at home and decided to just do a quick walk through the store to see if I was missing anything. During my exploration, I turned down the chip aisle and saw salsa and dropped a jar into my basket before moving down the aisle straight towards the cookies. Talk about trouble. _I mean it’s not like I can’t not stop just to look, it’s been a long week and I deserve a little pick me up._ Before I moved on, I had picked up a pack of double stuffed Oreos and a couple bags of Goldfish because yes, I’m that bitch; as I turned the corner, I saw a flash of something out of the corner of my eye but when I looked back there was nothing there. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up but I shook it off as just anxiety. _Calm down, it was just a reflection in your glasses._ I stopped a couple more times, to get some cereal and my favorite vegan ice cream, and headed to the self-checkout. I shoved my groceries into the canvas bag I used as my purse, grabbed my receipt, and walked the two blocks home, officially ready to start my weekend.

~*****~

The sound of my front door closing echoed down the hallway of my apartment as I leaned over to unbuckle my cute little heeled mules and set them to the side. I walked down the hall to my kitchen and took the food out of my bag, putting my ice cream in the freezer, and then went to turn on one of my Spotify playlists. The music blasted, filling every corner of my apartment and flooding my senses; almost immediately all the tension started to melt away and my shoulders relaxed a little. I walked to my bedroom and dropped my bag on my bed and went to my dresser to get an oversized t-shirt. I took off my work clothes, fling my bra onto the chair in the corner of the room, and put the shirt on; then proceeded to hang my pants back up in the closet.

I walked into the bathroom and untied the band I used this morning to put my hair up and work my fingers through the base of my curls. _Damn, I look good. I fucking love my hair_ , I thought as I stared at my reflection. Big lips, big hair, big eyes, and a big smile; all things I can’t help but notice and love every time I see myself. _Who would have ever thought I would be here, looking in the mirror loving what I see? I can’t believe I wasted so much time letting people convince me that my body was something to hate. Fuck them, they’re paying thousands to look like me now._

Swaying to the music, I made my way into the kitchen and set the oven to 350° to preheat and grabbed a small pot from under the counter. I filled the pot with water and then went to get a can of black beans and some quinoa from one of the cabinets. Just eyeballing it, I poured probably a cup of quinoa into the pot of water and put it on the stove to start heating up. I opened the can of beans and dumped them into a strainer, running water over them until it ran clear and then transferred half of them into the pot of water and quinoa, sprinkling a generous amount of the taco seasoning into the pot and stirred. _God, I really need to learn the right proportions because I’ve been cooking with this shit forever. Guess I should have known this was going to last me literally the rest of my life._ I put the other half of the black beans in a food container and tossed it in the fridge. I sang along to the music still loudly playing from the speaker in my living room as I put the quinoa and the rest of my groceries away.

I stirred the concoction on the stove and picked up the red bell pepper I left on the counter and thoroughly washed it in the sink. Taking one of the big knives from the knife block on the counter near the cutting board and sliced the pepper in half from top to bottom. I pull the stem out of both sides and knocked the seeds into the sink. I checked the pot one more time, turned off the eye and fluffed the quinoa with a fork. I lean down to take out a Pyrex dish add a little olive oil to the bottom and put it on top of the stove. I took the pepper halves from the opposite counter and put them in the dish, insides up, and filled them with the quinoa mixture. After covering the dish in foil, I put it into the oven and set the timer for 15 minutes. _And I’ll clean that later_ , I thought as I dumped the pot in the sink and filled it with water. _Just wanna sit down for a minute while the food finishes._

I headed back to my room and flicked the light switches on the wall, simultaneously turning on the ceiling fan and the floor lamp in the opposite corner of the door. _It’s fucking hot_ , I thought to myself as I made my way across the room and slid the window as high up as it could go. I turned around and hopped onto my bed, moving to lay on my back with my arms splayed out at my sides.

A few minutes passed before I rolled onto my side towards my bedside table and grabbed a lighter and my little glass pipe with the words “Eat the rich” painted on one side and the DSA logo on the other. God, we really laughed until we cried when I had opened Ruby’s birthday gift to me. _My little Gem Stone_ , I smiled to myself as I brought the end of my pipe, which still had some weed in it from this morning, to my lips and flicked the lighter. _That reminds me, I need to text those shits about tomorrow._ The thick smoke traveled over my tongue as I inhaled deeply, holding it in for a couple of heartbeats before blowing it up towards the ceiling. I took another hit before putting my pipe and lighter back on the table and laid back down. _I can’t forget about the food; we don’t need another repeat of last month. Too fucking hungry to wait for take out if I burn dinner again, lol._ I shake my head. _Talk about ironic. It really is so fucking me to have started saying ‘lol’ to be ironic in high school and now I can’t help but use it all the time I’m even sarcastic to myself._ I sat up and dragged my bag from the end of the bed, rummaging through it to find my phone and inhaler. I tucked my legs under me and clicked the last message I had received before shooting off a quick text.

Julesie Q

Ruby. Fuck. Him.

Thu 10:23

So what’s the plan bitches?

Sent 20:03

*beep beep beep*

*beep beep beep*

I shook my inhaler as I stood up from my bed and made my way back to the kitchen, taking a puff with a big inhale before setting it down on the counter. I put my hands in my mismatched, raggedy oven mitts, and let the breath I had been holding out. I felt hot air flood the room and waft into my face as I opened the oven door and bent to remove my stuffed bell peppers. I set the Pyrex dish on one of the eyes on the stove and went to the fridge to take out the other half of the avocado I hadn’t used as part of my lunch yesterday. I used a knife from the drawer next to my hip to dice the avocado in the skin while humming the Guacamole song and then dumped the contents onto both peppers. I plated my food got some juice out of the fridge, because at this point it’s basically and addiction, and walked into my living room. I set the plate down on the coffee table, turned on the light, and walked to the back wall to open all the windows in there as well. I leaned over to pick up my plate and turned off the music after sitting down, and switched the tv on to Hulu so I could continue binge watching _Before the 90 Days_.

Rosie Posie

I say earlyish

Like 8:30, I think

20:05

Julesie Q

Ewww come on Rose cmon let’s do like 11:30

20:10

Dr. Pheobe

I’m fine with whatever y’all but preferably something early

20:10

Early wins then Jules lol told you… no one wants to skate when it’s so hot

Are you coming Ruby?

Sent 20:11

Dr. Pheobe

What Em means Ruby is if you don’t come we are gonna come for you

20:15

Gem Stone

Yea…

I guess I’ll see you guys then

20:22

Yay!!! Love you Gem <3

Sent 20:22

I spent the rest of my night watching trash tv and searching for grants for my student. His case was the first one I got last year when I started this job, it was just different to me; all the people I helped meant a lot to me, but his case was special. _We’ve gotten so close, there is no fucking way in hell I’m gonna let this kid down._

~*****~

Around midnight, I snapped my laptop closed and stood up, stretching and rubbing my eyes I walked over to close the living room windows. Just as I was reaching up, I glanced down to the street across from my house and saw a figure in the shadows facing me. When I leaned closer to see through the glare of my lights reflecting against the windows nothing was there. Just like earlier at the grocery store all the hairs on the back of my neck and arms stuck straight out and a tingle went down my spine. _Fuck Emerald chill! There is nothing there, you’re freaking yourself out for no reason. It’s time for fucking bed_ , I convince myself as I turn the lights out and the tv off and head down the hallway to my bedroom but then I remembered I had to lock the front door and continued on past my bedroom door. _Just one peak_ , I told myself as I looked through the peep hole on the door releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding before turning around and going to my room.

The first thing I did when I got there was close and lock my window before shutting the curtains. I walked to the other side of my room to the bathroom and pulled out some cotton rounds and a jar of makeup removing cleanser. I took off my makeup which was a fast and easy process, as usual, and sped through the rest of my skincare and nightly routine before closing my bedroom door and crawling into bed. I put my phone on the charger and hummed contentedly as I drifted off to sleep listening to the whirring sound of the ceiling fan above me.


	2. Rollin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is Rollin by Diana Gordon. Hope y'all enjoy this, it's a longish one. Content warning: recreational use of weed.

I took a sip from my tea before setting down the light green mug with abstract shapes littered across the surface onto one of the coasters scattered around my coffee table, the concrete of the coaster clinking against the glass of the table. Humming to myself, I leaned back enough to pull my rolling papers out of the coffee table drawer and put them down on the cute little black stone tray that currently held a pile of ground up weed; the filter I had made using an old business card I had probably gotten in the mail was sitting next to it. I took one of the papers out of the thin cardboard box and balanced the makeshift filter inside. I stopped to take a few more sips of my tea before I carefully transferred the weed into the paper, every once in a while, picking little pieces off my lap, until I thought it was full enough. It took me a few minutes to roll the j because I wanted it to look nice. It was a fat one. _Fuck yea, I’m one skilled ass bitch_ , I thought to myself with a smile.

Sunlight was softly shining into my bedroom through the sheer layer of fabric that made up, what I constituted as, curtains when I walked in. I went straight to the open closet door and tried to decide what I wanted to wear. _Damn, I had a good idea last night. I knew I should have written it down!_ I shook my head and looked down at my phone, twisting my wrist a little so I could see the screen without lifting it from down by my hip. _Ok, I have plenty of time to decide before I have to leave. Besides, they won’t die if I’m a little late._ Even as I tried to convince myself of that fact, I could feel the cold sweat bloom on my nose and the buzz of anxiety start in the pit of my stomach. It’s always been like this; the anxiousness at any little inconvenience, even though I knew whatever it was shouldn’t bother me, the stress of the potential unknown wreaked havoc on my mind. Which in reality is stupid because everything is unknown but logic isn’t always the solution, in my world, waking up can be all that I need to trigger it.

Turning back to the closet, I stepped inside and decided to start with color schemes. _Ok so, orange might be nice, I have been out in the sun a lot so it will really contrast with how dark I’ve become. Or we could do blue… eh or not._ I pulled a pair of orange flare pants off one of the hangers towards the back and left the closet to look in my dresser. “Come on. Where is it? I just saw it a couple of days ago!” I dug through 3 drawers before I pulled out what I was looking for. “Aha!” I exclaimed triumphantly with a smug smile stretched across my full lips. With a nod, I shimmied my way into the black bodysuit before putting on my pants. I walked over to the mirror in the corner and inspected the girl looking back turning from one side to the other, the flare at the bottom of the pant legs allowing them to swoosh back and forth slightly as I turned. With my back to the mirror I craned my neck so I could see the back of the outfit and smiled, pleased with the large swath of skin showing because of the cut out on the bodysuit. _Good job Em, definitely the right choice._

In my bathroom, I applied a generous amount of water into my type 4 afro, just enough to revive my curls, before I added a moisturizer and black castor oil. _Ok, this wash and go is really on its last legs at this point_ , I contemplated as I picked my hair out in all its crowning glory, trying to get the right amount of volume all over. When it was just about perfect, I brushed my eyebrows up a little to accentuate their natural bushiness and then used a little grey eyebrow gel to keep them in place. “Hmm, today seems like as good a day as any to try out that brown lip pencil I got,” I murmured to myself while examining said lip pencil setting on my counter. It was a simple look, just the liner around my lips, just to accentuate the fullness of them, and a clear gloss, with a slightly blue tent to it, over top of it. _I like it, easy and simple. I should have started doing this earlier._

I left the bathroom and grabbed my skates out of my closet by the leash I used to carry them and the small black leather backpack off the hook connected to the inside of the closet door before walking back out into my room. The skates made a loud clunk and rolled a bit when I dropped them by my bed making me cringe slightly. I transferred the contents of my canvas bag from yesterday into my leather bag before sitting down and pulling on a pair of plain black Converse. Picking up my phone off the dresser I walked down the hall, snagged my keys on the crock of my finger and walked out.

~*****~

I swore as I rushed back into my apartment, the door crashing against the wall. _How can I forget the two most important things_? I chided myself as I made my way to the coffee table with the weed still setting out and picked up the joint I had rolled earlier and put it in the tiny front pocket of my bag. Then I walked into my bedroom and snatched the leash connected to my skates up from the floor and placed it over my shoulder, my slightly pointed nails digging into the flesh of my palm as I kept my grip firm. The echo of the front door swinging shut and the loud click of the lock rang through my empty apartment.

~*****~

The sun was bright and a cool morning breeze floated through the leaves of trees lining the park pathway as I walked to our usual meeting spot. As I got closer, I could see Ruby, Phoebe, and Rosalind standing in a circle, or as circular as 3 people can stand, talking and laughing. Ruby looked in my direction and we locked eyes as I made my way to them; I looked at her quizzically and gave her a half smile. The others turned to follow Ruby’s line of sight and I waved to them. “Hello my amazing friends!” I greeted them brightly, giving each of them a hug.

“Hey Em,” Rose said, squeezing my arm.

“Em Gem! How are ya?” Phoebe warm voice flowed around me.

“Phoebe! Rose! I’m good, the walk here really did it for me this morning. I’m glad we are doing this early honestly,” I chatted. Phoebe has always been a warm, calming presence, since the day we met. It was my freshmen year of university but her sophomore and we ended up pairing off to do a project in our Intro to Geography class, a gen ed. I dreaded having to go to. But after that, we sat together every time we had class and she really made it bearable, so naturally we met up outside of class too, and we just clicked.

“Yea? That’s good Em,” She said with a smile before flicking her eyes over to Ruby. I got her point immediately; Ruby had been having a hard time lately and we were trying to keep her spirit as high as possible.

I turned to Ruby with a big smile and pulled her into a tight hug and instantly she returned my tight embrace. “Hi Gem,” I murmured to her before giving her a squeeze and taking a step back. Ruby and I have known each other since we were 7 years old when she transferred to my school in the middle of the Fall semester. We fucking hated each other, until one day, close to the end of the school year we got into a fight at recess and instead of being sent to the principle’s office, our teacher made us spend lunch and with her for two _whole_ weeks. For the first few days I didn’t even look in her direction then I saw her reading my favorite book at the time and I knew I had misjudged her, so I tried to be nice to her, it was a process but we bonded quickly over our favorite things, it turned out we had a lot in common. That summer we spent almost every day either at her house swimming or at mine baking and we just couldn’t be split up after that.

When I looked at her face, I just knew something was off. _There is no way this is all over that asshole._ That asshole being her boyfriend of almost a year who used every opportunity he had to bully her. “Hey Emmy. You look cute, I like your lips, very Naomi Campbell. Do you know when Jules is gonna get here so we can go?” She gave me a quick smile before looking away, leaning back on her heals and then falling forward again. Ruby and I are like that, we know each other so well we can look at each other and just know what’s going on; right now, she was hiding from me.

I squinted my eyes and looked back at Phoebe and Rosalind but they just shrugged their shoulders. “Thanks, I tried,” I replied with a chuckle. “I hope she gets here soon. I was worried I was gonna be late.” My skates clunked to the ground when I released the leash and I sat down beside them.

“We can always rely on Jules being later than any of us,” Ros joked, following me down to the ground; I winked at her, she just laughed and shook her head. Phoebe and Ruby both dropped to the ground to join us, and we continued to chat about how our week had gone as we put our skates on. Phoebe also put knee pads and wrist guards on. When I was done lacing up my right skate I was moving on to my left when I glanced up and saw Jules rolling over to us.

“Well look who decided to show up,” Phoebe said with a softness that only she could have to lighten her words as she yanked on the laces on her skate. The rest of us laughed as Jules waved excitedly at us.

“Guys! Sorry I’m late, y’all know how difficult my relationship with mornings is,” Jules explained lightly before we said anything to her about it. By now, she was used to the teasing and jokes and we knew the usual excuses, like clockwork.

Cutting her big, round eyes down to Jules skates, Ruby looked up and asked, “Did you skate all the way here?”

“No, no, of course I didn’t. Why would I skate here?” she asked rhetorically. “I just figured you guys would be ready to go so I put them on when I got off the bus and skated the rest of the way. It was faster anyways,” Jules clarified.

Ruby finished lacing her skate quickly and hopped up. “Welp, I’m ready so hurry up guys.”

_Wow, little bossy today, aren’t we?_ I put my shoes into my bag and returned it to it’s position on my back before slowly standing up and finally addressed Jules. “Hi Jules,” I greeted her in a loud singsong voice, “Good morning sunshine isn’t the day just grand!”

“Ugh Emerald, don’t,” she groaned and smacked my hand away when I reached out to pinch her cheeks. I gave her my best impression of a wounded puppy but couldn’t hold back my laugh when she shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. _I love fucking with her, it’s so easy._

“Can we go now?” Ruby begged looking down at Phoebe and Rosalind.

“Yea, let’s go,” Ros replied brightly as she stood then reached out a hand to help Phoebe up. As soon as they were up, Ruby was off skating just slowly enough for us to catch up with her without having to exert ourselves too much.

We skated this park pretty often because we had agreed a while back that this was our favorite place, what with all the dense foliage and winding paths. In the spring, a lot of the trees bloomed with beautiful pink and white flowers, so delicate that a brisk gust of wind would send hundreds of little petals floating through the air. I always had to sweep my hallway more often during those months because of all the petals that made their way back with me. But today, in the middle of the summer, there were no pink and white flowers; in their place stood densely packed deep green leaves waving to greet us as we rolled by. Phoebe had brought her speaker and was playing one of her playlists she made specifically for when she skates, she has made a bunch, but this one is soothing, it matched the day, and the notes intertwined with the wind, slipped through the leaves, and soared up to the sky with the birds flying above.

Ruby and I were behind the rest of the girls, just out of earshot when I turned around and began skating backwards. I was hoping once we started skating, she would feel better; admittedly, she was less sullen than before, but I could tell whatever it was, something was still bothering her. One of Ruby’s favorite songs had just come on and I was singing it to her and dancing when we passed a small group of what looked to be friends. One of the girls caught my eye and I didn’t notice I was staring until my eyes flicked up and we locked eyes, her dark eyes capturing me and suddenly I couldn’t look away. Her eyes held mine for just a beat too long then she smirked and looked away, returning to the conversation she had been ignoring and it was like it had never happened. I could feel me cheeks heating up as I turned back around so my back was to her, _What the fuck_.

“What was _that_ , Em?” Ruby looked at me with a knowing expression, squinting her eyes in scrutiny.

“I’m not sure Gem.”

“Well okay then… I guess,” she replied hesitantly. “And they say I’m the fucking weird one,” I heard her murmur to herself, although I’m not sure she was trying to ensure I didn’t hear her anyway. “Come on, this snail’s pace is killing me. I’ll race ya!” She was off, whizzing past our girls and I was close behind her only glancing back at the mystery girl once.

“Oh, it’s a race huh?!” Jules called from behind us; I could hear Rosie’s laugh ringing out cheerful and light.

~*****~

A couple hours had passed by the time we decided we had had enough. We sat down on the lush, green grass in one of the little clearings in the park and I took my skates off. I stuffed the socks I had used to skate into my bag and used my it as a pillow as I laid back and let the sun wash over my face. The others followed suit, reclining and sitting in various positions. We stayed like that for a while, Phoebe’s music still playing softly in the background.

Eventually I shifted enough to reach the joint and lighter in the little front pocket of my bag and now makeshift pillow. Once I retrieved it, I readjusted to a more comfortable position and burned the end, blowing on it and turning it a bit to get an even burn. Then I brought it to my lips and inhaled deeply before blowing it out, the smoke blooming above me like the cloud from a nuclear explosion.

“No,” Phoebe deadpanned, looking in my direction.

“No one is forcing you, Dr. Phoebe. Calm down,” I replied without looking at her. I brought the joint to my lips again and took a couple puffs before taking one big inhale and passed it off to Ruby who I knew would take it. It made its way around our circle a few times and every time it came to Phoebe, she took it, because she loves a good time, no matter how much she denies it. We aren’t like her med school friends, we don’t care, we have personalities that don’t revolve around being holier than everyone else around. I was confused at first when she told us that the people she went to school with were so straight edge, and honestly, I still am. Don’t doctors steal drugs and shit for a little recreational fun, or was that just in the movies?

We laughed and relaxed and talked about everything but what was wrong with Ruby before we decided it was time to get on with our day and head off in our own separate ways. Ruby and I split off together because both of our trains were at the same stop. We were chatting about something funny her office bae had said and were coming up to where we would have to go in different directions when I interrupted. “Do you wanna come over tomorrow? I can make us lunch and we can just sit out on my balcony.”

“Yea, that sounds nice. Something light and simple, if possible?” She said with a smile.

“Of course. Anything is possible for you, Gem,” I chuckled and bumped her lightly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she responded as she turned to walk away and I waved bye. I watched her turn down the tunnel before I went back to walking down the one we had already been walking through. I hesitated for a second when I felt a hand on my shoulder, then whirled around, heart in my throat, ready to attack but instead, I froze in shock when I realized who had grabbed me. It was the girl from the park, and she was smiling, and fuck was that smile dangerous. _I wonder if she knows that smile is a weapon_.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I scared you, I wasn’t trying to! I saw you walking with your friend and I just caught up to you and didn’t want to lose you again. That sounds weird… not like in a weird way lose you but…” As she continued to ramble, I took my chance to really look at her, and boy was she a sight. She had locs that had been tied up in a bun on the top of her head, it was obvious that they were long. Her skin was dark and smooth, her smile bright and large, her thick lips taking up a big portion of her face when they stretched to accommodate such an amazing smile. Her eyes were dark and captivating, pulling me in closer, and they were so expressive. That’s how I could tell I had missed something important because now they were staring back at me expectantly, waiting for an answer to whatever she had just asked.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Do you want to get a drink?” she asked again, clearing her throat and gave me a lopsided smile that just screamed ‘I’m a cocky bitch, fuck me’. _Oh, she fucking knows alright._

“Oh! Um, how about you give me _your_ number and maybe I’ll text you,” I confidently deflected. _I don’t care how cute you are, I don’t agree to dates with strangers. I’m not gonna make it that easy for someone to kidnap me._

The cocky smile she had been wearing before grew into a full-blown smile. _She needs to put that away before she blinds someone._ “Give me your phone,” she said and I swiped the button in the lower corner without unlocking my screen and handed it to her. She typed in her number, saved it under her name, then handed the it back. “I hope I hear from you,” she breathed softly, and if I were a weaker woman… Just as abruptly as she had appeared, she was gone, and I was left standing in the tunnel, holding my phone with this mystery girl’s number now saved. _Hmm, first and last name. At least she made stalking her social media easy for me_ , I thought as I looked down at my phone, trying to fight the smile from spreading across my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one definitely had a lot more dialogue than the first chapter. Right now, I'm really just trying to build up the characters so you guys can really understand what I'm trying to do. I think I'll be trying to do at least 1 chapter a week so let me know what you guys think!


	3. Ungodly Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is Ungodly Hour by Chloe x Halle  
> Content warning: mention of death and blood, not explicit though

I reached for the remote setting beside me on the couch to pause the episode of _90 Day Fiancé_ , my face illuminated by the light from the screen which cast a blue haze over the entire room. I could faintly hear my phone ringing from my bedroom. I stood up from my spot on the couch and walked to my room to answer it, as I went, the hairs on the back of my neck pointed straight out, something felt off.

“Hello?” I answered after quickly swiping the screen.

“Em! You have to come quick, Ruby is in the hospital,” Jules spoke quickly and it took me a second to understand exactly what she said, her words were garbled and there were loud noises in the background.

“What? What do you mean she’s in the hospital? Jules, what happened?” My last question came out more as a demand as I grabbed my bag and made sure my wallet and keys were inside.

“Too much to explain right now. Just hurry up, she needs you.” That had my heart racing. I hung up the phone and ordered a car through an app as soon as Jules told me which hospital to go to. _Ok, the car will be here in five minutes, hopefully faster_ , I thought as I shoved my phone into the pocket of my loose, grey sweatpants and sped to the front door. I shoved my feet into the shoes I had worn to the park earlier today and swiped my keys off of the table lying next to the door. I looked at the map on my way out as I left my apartment, luckily, the car was just around the corner.

The air was cool as I stood outside waiting for the car, but I barely noticed thanks to the panic attack that started building as soon as I answered Jules’ call. I was just texting her that I was on my way when the car pulled up and they rolled down the window.

“Emerald?” the driver asked.

“Yea. Miles?” I asked, to which he nodded. I hopped into the front seat and confirmed my destination. “I’m in a hurry, so if you could go as fast as you’re comfortable with I would really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem,” he responded and we shot off. My right leg kept bouncing, my anxiety pouring out into the rapid **_thump, thump, thump_** that my foot made on the carpet of the passenger side floor. I ran the pointed tip of my thumb nail into the soft flesh of my pointer finger, sliding it back and forth. The repetitive actions and the dull pain allowing me to ignore everything else. Time felt like it was slowing down, like everything was moving through jelly and it made my brain go haywire.

It felt like eons before we pulled up to the sliding doors of the hospital, but in reality, I knew it had been less than ten minutes, what with the streets being nearly empty and my drivers near NASCAR speed. “Thank you so much!” I exclaimed as I jumped out of the car and ran into the hospital. I looked around the sitting area for Jules or any other familiar faces but everything was blurry.

“Emerald, come on,” Jules grabbed my arm from the side and pulled me through a set of doors and down the hallway. When I looked at her face, I could see she was holding back tears and I thought I might vomit.

“Jules, you are really scaring me. What. Happened.” I demanded, but just then Jules stopped propelling me forward and all but shoved me through a door. Laying in the bed in front of me was Ruby, her face was ashen and she had clearly been crying. She didn’t look like she was all there when she gave me a soft smile. As I walked closer to her, I noticed the blood, there was a lot of it, and the doctors. _Why is he between her legs?_ “Ruby, what happened?” I grabbed her hand, but it was limp and cold. That’s when I heard it, the crying, it was loud, so loud; I turned my head in the direction of the crying. It almost covered the sound of the beats on the heart monitor slowing and then stopping, the sound of the flat line loud and endless.

Doctors swarmed her bed, pushing me away and I couldn’t see her anymore, all I heard was their low murmurings that didn’t sound urgent enough, the loud beeps screeching at me, and the crying, wailing. I followed the sounds of the cries until I reached what looked like a bassinet. _What the fuck._ My hand looked like it was in slow motion as I reached out to pull the blanket away to reveal whatever was hidden beneath. “Holy fuck,” I gasped when I saw what was responsible for the loud wailing. It was a baby, Ruby’s baby, clearly her baby, identical to all the baby pictures I had seen of her through the years, except it was covered in blood and it was seeping through the bassinet it laid in, the blood dripping to the floor. The wails were only louder now that I had uncovered it; as I turned around the sound of the heart monitor grew to a crescendo with the baby’s cries and Ruby was just laying there in the bed soaked with her own blood, unmoving. “Oh, Ruby no. Come on Gem Stone, you gotta wake up!” I begged, floating over to her side again, grasped her hand and gave her lifeless arm a shake. Her head fell to the side and her usually vivid, dark eyes were dull as they stared through me. I dropped her hand and stepped back as the noises around me became louder and louder until I had to smash my hands over my ears to keep from going deaf.

Gasping, I shot straight up in my bed, shaking and sweating. I sat there like that for a few seconds before I realized I wasn’t going to catch my breath without my inhaler and reached into my bag resting on the floor against the side of my bed. _What the fuck was that_ , I contemplated as I shook my inhaler and took a puff, holding my breath as I stood up to open my window a crack. I exhaled and leaned forward a bit, letting the cool night’s breeze waft over me as my heart began to slow and my breathing evened out. I was halfway down the hallway when the buzzer went off, echoing through my apartment. “Who the fuck would be downstairs right now?” **BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ.** _And why the fuck are they in such a hurry?_ I huffed to myself as I turned to head the opposite direction I had been headed.

“Hello?” I asked impatiently after I jabbed the call button on the wall in the entry way, the tiredness bleeding through and cutting the harshness of my tone. “Helloooo?” I repeated after waiting a couple beats for an answer. Nothing. _Fucking creepy._ I double checked the locks on my door and the windows in my living room once I made my way back down the hallway. When I was sure they were all locked, I got a glass from one of the kitchen cabinets to fill with water from the filter and went back to my room. My room was significantly cooler than it had been when I woke up so I walked over and slide the window shut with a bang and snapped the lock closed. I laid back down in bed, pushing my duvet to the end of bed. The cool breeze circulating around my room from the ceiling fan tickled my bare legs, the skin of my arms and legs covered in goosebumps. I laid like that for a long time, listening to the whir of the fan blades as I focused on breathing and refocusing my thoughts to happier things than my best friend giving birth to the spawn of Satan. _In 2…3…4… Hold 2…3…4… Out 2…3…4… Hold 2…3…4._ Over and over and over until I drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

~*****~

I spent most of the morning wandering around my apartment, watering my plants and just existing. The doors to my balcony stood open and the sound of rustling leaves and chirping birds floated through my apartment, the soft music only slightly masking the sounds of the world around me. My mind had been foggy all day and I knew it was because of my anxiety; it always hits the worst in the morning, especially if I had a bad night’s sleep. My hands had been shaking and my nose was covered in a thin layer of sweat even though I was cold, my stomach rolled at the thought of food, or just any thought really. _God why am I like this… it’s not even Monday yet, can’t I just have a weekend to myself?! Fuck!_

The pasta salad I made earlier was sitting in the fridge, the chickpeas were roasting in the oven and I was standing at the counter cutting fruit, the cuts far from perfect due to the shakiness of my hands. I reached above my head and removed a platter from the cabinet and began to create a spread with the fruit I had just cut as well as a couple types of cheese and some crackers. I had just taken the chickpeas out of the oven when I heard the loud buzz of my intercom. _Right on time,_ I smiled to myself as I walked down the hallway. “Ruby?” I questioned holding the talk button down.

“Yea, it’s me,” she replied quickly and I buzzed her in and unlocked the front door before walking back to the kitchen to finish plating all the food. The door creaked as she came in and I heard two separate clunks as she dropped her shoes to the floor in the entry way and then the quiet whisper of her feet as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. “Hi lovely,” she said with a smile and we gave each other a quick hug.

“Hey, you look like you’re feeling a little better,” I noted.

She shrugged, “I don’t know if I would say I’m feeling better but I don’t want to commit murder today. So, if those are your standards then yes, I feel better.”

“I mean I don’t think there is ever a day I don’t think about murdering someone… Maybe I should be concerned,” I laughed and she shook her head, I could tell she was trying to hide a smile.

“Ok, psycho, are you still seeing the therapist?” she inquired, only half joking.

“It was a joke, Ruby.”

“I know…” she looked at me expectantly, her head tilted to the side slightly and her lips pursed. 

“Oh my _God_ , yes Mom, I’m still seeing him,” I replied exasperated. _This coming from the girl who has been crazy moody for the last month. Give me a break._ I rolled my eyes with a sigh and grabbed the charcuterie board off of the counter and headed out to the balcony. “Grab a couple plates for me please,” I called over my shoulder.

She passed me on the way back, carrying 2 plates with a couple forks rattling around on top in one hand and 2 glasses in the other. “Do we need knives?”

“Yea, for the charc board, I’ll grab ‘em.” Back in the kitchen, I took the pasta out of the fridge, grabbed the cheese utensils and the chickpeas and went back outside, juggling it all. _The only benefit of having worked in the service industry for so long. Might have been miserable but I can carry a bunch of shit at once now_ , I considered offhandedly. The sun was shining when I walked out and put the food on the table and I took a minute to enjoy it. Ruby was already sitting down in her usual spot her brows furrowed as she scrolled through her phone. “What’s wrong?”

Her head snapped up as if she hadn’t even known I was standing there but then she shook it slightly and offered me a smile, “Nothing!”

“Okay. What do you want to drink? I have Prosecco, juice, water, La Croix…”

“Water is fine, thanks.” With a nod, I headed back into the kitchen and took a pitcher from the cabinet above the sink and filled it with water and ice before heading back outside. I set the pitcher down in the center of the table so all the food was surrounding it and sat down across from Ruby. The sun was so bright I had to squint my eyes to look in her direction. Then I remembered the shades I had haphazardly stuck on my head earlier this morning and reached up to pull them down onto my face. I used my right hand to pluck my hair out a little bit, just to make sure they hadn’t left an indention. I reached for one of the plates as Ruby filled both of our glasses with water.

We ate and talked for a long time, we talked about my options for what I could do to get the funding for my student and she promised she would talk to an associate about some connections they might have. We talked about our families and when we were all going to meet up next, my dad’s birthday was in 2 weeks and my mom has been planning this whole big thing for a couple of months, because she is extravagant like that. I turned to face Ruby, my eyes meeting hers even though she couldn’t see them, “Remember Tyrek’s 15th birthday party?”

A smile immediately spread across her face and she gave a soft laugh. “Of course, I remember! It’s like your mom just can’t help but throw ridiculous parties.” My mom loves to throw parties, any excuse and she is gonna throw one. Even when they were small, they were great, she just has a knack for people, I guess. She has always been so different from me in that respect; she is ultra-extroverted, loves to be the center of attention, whereas I like chill, small gatherings and whatnot. That year though, my brother’s birthday happened to overlap with my bad day, so Ruby and I decided to do our own thing. After my mandatory 30 minutes of socializing with family, Ruby and I slipped away when my mom’s back was turned. We were apparently gone for an unacceptable amount of time, and I guess 2 hours for a couple of 10-year olds was a long time, because when we finally made our way back, boy were we in the shit.

“Yea, he got hella drunk that day, but Mom didn’t notice because they were looking for us,” I chuckled.

“I’m not at all surprised” Ruby deadpanned. “Do you know how mad my mom was? I thought she was gonna murder me before we even got home! She told me, and I quote, ‘If you ever do that kind of shit again, I will make you were a tracking device like you are a criminal on house arrest’ and the look in her eyes made me wanna shit a brick,” she threw her head back and a big bout of laughter bubbled up her throat and burst from her full lips. 

“As soon as you left, I went and hid in my room. I guess I was already asleep by the time she was ready to yell at me.”

“We were the worst.”

“Ha! Speak for yourself demon, I was great, just had a lot of emotions and a bit of sass,” I said with a shrug and smirk.

“Yea, okay, if you say so.” We sat in silence for a few minutes before she continued, “I have to tell you something,” she said much more somberly than she had just been.

 _Okay, time to finally figure out what has been bothering her_. “Shoot,” I told her, lifting my sunglasses up onto my head so there was nothing between us.

She took a deep breath and I could tell whatever she was about to say was important. “I’m pregnant,” she breathed, tears coming to her eyes.

I released the breath I didn’t know I had been holding and nodded my head. “I guess I knew that was what you were going to say…” I trailed off, not exactly sure what to say now that my fears had been confirmed.

“You had a dream?” Ruby questioned. “How long ago?” she continued after I nodded my confirmation.

“Last night. What are you gonna do Ruby? Do you wanna keep it?” I tried to sound as supportive as possible.

“Yea, I’m gonna keep it. I’ve known since last month.”

“Does Malcolm know?” Of course, the biggest fucking douche in the history of douches had to be the one to impregnate my best friend. She just nodded. “And?”

“I mean what did you expect him to say? He said ok and he seemed fine, not excited or anything but I’m not even sure I’m excited necessarily.” She always got defensive when I brought up Malcolm because she knows I have hated his guts since the second time I met him.

“Ruby, you can’t raise a child with this man! He takes every chance he can to make you unhappy.”

“Well what do you want me to do Emerald? I’m just supposed to raise a baby on my own?” she demanded hotly, tears brimming in her eyes.

“You _know_ I would never tell you that and you also know that you aren’t alone. You have me, and your parents, and my family. We will help you; we would help you if you decided to stay with him, but you can’t do that Gem.” She looked away from me and blinked quickly, really fighting the tears coming to her eyes now. I reached out for her hand and she looked down, her shoulders shaking. Ruby had never been a crier, unlike me who could cry at the drop of a hat. She kept a lot more of her pain to herself, and only cried when it all became just too heavy. “Oh, Ruby,” I started, my voice strangled as I started to cry myself.

“I know I have you guys. I know. But I am _so_ fucking scared,” she whispered the last part, more tears slipping down her face.

I snatched a napkin off the table of partially finished food and handed it to her with a gentle smile. “It takes a village to raise a baby Gem Stone, and we are your village. I will be with you every step of the way; I swear on everything holy and unholy. Do you believe me?”

“On everything holy and unholy?” I nodded and gave her hand a tight squeeze. “Then yes, I believe you,” she murmured. I leaned over and pulled her into a tight hug that she quickly returned. We sat like that for a while, just holding each other as I stroked her back. Eventually she pulled away and gave me a watery smile and I wiped my eyes with a sniffle.

“So, I’m gonna be an aunty huh?” I contemplated.

She burst out laughing and I couldn’t help but join in with her. Her laugh has always been so contagious. “You’re already an aunt,” she reminded me.

“And a good one at that, the more the merrier really. My mom is gonna be so fucking excited.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been an extremely rough week for me, mental health wise, which I think is reflected in the chapter. Let me know what you guys think, I hope you like it!


	4. Hydroxyzine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: very very brief mentions of self-harm and eating disorders  
> The chapter title isn't a song this time.

Over a week had passed since Ruby’s big announcement and at least for me, things had definitely changed. I was fine last week, after Ruby had confessed, I had discussed my anxiety with my therapist and I had calmed down. For a little while that is. Since then, I had had another therapy session, as I do every Monday, and my mental health started to decline sharply. There has been a lot of working from home these last few days, I just couldn’t muster the energy to get all the way to work. One of the biggest reasons I loved my job so much is because of the flexibility of the work we did. Really none of it had to be done in the office, and management wasn’t such assholes that they would refuse to let us work from home, like the management at Rosalind’s job. We told her they seemed too old fashioned when she told us about the job last year, but I guess all you can expect is old fashioned, white guys when you work in the financial industry. Bunch of dickheads if you ask me. Rose is miserable and the hours are outrageous but the size of her paycheck is astonishing so I guess that’s all a girl can ask for from an entry level financial analysis position. _Ugh, boring._

I slammed my laptop shut and pushed it off of my lap onto the mattress and rolled the opposite direction. My legs and hands were shaking uncontrollably and I could feel my heart trying to escape my chest like it was a felon looking at 25 to life. _Fuuuuck, when is this going to stop?! Can’t I just catch a goddamn break?_ I took the weighted blanket from the end of my bed and covered my entire body in it, tried to focus on my breathing, the heat from my own breath got trapped under the blanket and made me sweat. Or maybe it was just from the anxiety. Either way, shit was fucked up. _In… 2… 3… 4… Hold… 2… 3… 4… Out… 2… 3… 4… Hold… 2… 3… 4… ok again. And again. And again._ I threw the blanket off of me and slapped my hand against the bed. _It’s not working!_ I hastily stood up, snatched my water bottle off of the bedside table, and marched into the kitchen to refill it. I gulped down almost half of the water immediately then went to fill it again when the millionth wave of nausea hit me this week; I had to stop and grabbed the edge of the counter and put my head down, praying the coolness of the counter would distract me enough to not puke everywhere. _Okay, it’s okay. Just breathe… breathe… inhale through your nose Emerald, exhale through your mouth. God, I need this to end. Maybe I should lay down._

The coolness from the counter felt like it was seeping into my head, calming the rushing of blood behind my ears but not my thoughts. When my stomach stopped rolling enough to stand up straight, I stumbled back to my room, the loud metallic ding of my water bottle knocking against the wall on my way reverberated around the hall and to my ears. A pitiful moan escaped my lips when I hit my mattress and I rolled onto my side praying this would end soon.

Mama

How are you feeling baby?

18:45 

It’s only gotten worse :/

My legs won’t stop shaking

18:47

She had been checking on me every day, without fail. We are used to this routine, since I was a little kid, I’ve just had these issues. Bouts of depression, overwhelming anxiety but even my family did not understand the depths of my misery, the pain I had held inside for so long for fear of burdening anyone else. There was a lot of unhealthy shit I did when I was younger, cutting, anorexia, drugs, sex with random people especially older men that definitely shouldn’t have even been looking at me. All that stuff worked, in the moment, but now my past causes even more problems; when I start to feel like this it is always a battle not to go back to my old ways and it scares me. _I mean I don’t have to use something sharp enough to break the skin, just enough to hurt a little…_ I sighed and rolled over bringing the weighted blanket with me. _No. Just breath._

Mama

Papa said he’ll come get you on his way home from work

18:55

No, I’ll be fine

18:55

Mama

He’s 20 minutes away. Pack for his bday party this weekend plz

18:56

I slapped my hand on the bed in frustration, it’s always like this. A mix of a groan and shout made its way out of my throat as I stood up and started shoving stuff into my overnight bag. I still hadn’t decided what I wanted to wear to his party yet, I thought I still had 3 days to decide but apparently that won’t be the case. It took almost the entire 20 minutes to pick 3 outfit options I could choose from come Saturday and then I had to pack my make up and skincare products quickly. When I had packed everything, I thought I could possibly need for the next 4 or so days I paced around the apartment aimlessly. I barely heard the buzzing of my phone over the loud humming sound I didn’t remember ever starting to make. The caller ID read “Papa Bear”; I answered with a small sigh. _It’s better this way… it’s just a few days._

“Hi Dad, are you here yet?”

“Hey honey. I’ll be there in 5 minutes. Do you need help with your stuff?” I can’t help but smile when I hear him. His voice has always been so soothing and warm, kind of like Phoebe, maybe that’s why I like her so much, she reminds me of him. Both calm, peaceful spirits that bleed out into the world around them. I’ve always been fascinated by people like them, people who can see the world in light not the shadows that follow behind us and are around every corner, lurking, waiting to swallow you up.

“No, I’ve got it. It’s only like one bag.”

“Wait for me inside the door so you can see me pull up, I don’t want to park.” We said our good-byes and I went back into my room to grab my bag full of stuff and my purse. I looked shabby, scruffy, and I was perfectly content that way. I slowly made my way out my front door, making sure to lock it, before I shuffled down the stairs, the sound of my Birkenstocks slapping on the floor with each stair echoed all around me. I stood in the little entry of my apartment building with my thumb nail pinned between my teeth, as I fought the urge to bite it off, and rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet.

A man walking past made eye contact with me as I stared out of the big glass door, waiting for my father’s car to pull up. My eyes locked with his and they held me captive, trapped for just a few seconds too long, and I tilted my head slightly my eyes squinted in appraisal. His seemed empty but below the surface brimmed something dark; just as soon as he was there, he was gone. I couldn’t tell if I had just made it up or if I had truly seen what I thought I saw. _Mom is always saying I should trust what I see in people._ Chills ran down my spine and I couldn’t help the shudder that accompanied them.

“You have the Sight Emerald, trust in it,” I mimicked the words of my mother under my breath. _Maybe this is why I’m fucking neurotic, pump my head full of fucking ancestral magic bullshit and then release me off into the world… Okay, so not bullshit but whatever._

Just then, the lights of my dad’s car slid across my face, blinding me for a moment, and I pushed the door open, the glass warm against my palm from the heat of the day. The sidewalks radiated heat back up towards the sky and my face immediately prickled with sweat. _This fucking humidity is like swimming through hell._ I waved as he leaned forward and then the trunk popped open; I hurried to dump my stuff in the back then made my way to the front of the car. The door swung open and I slid into the passenger seat with a thump.

“Hey kiddo,” my dad exclaimed kindly and patted the back of my head. _Oh, he’s lucky I haven’t done my hair in like 3 days._ Admittedly, there is no point in being annoyed that he touched my hair considering that it was giving off the same vibes as a bird’s nest.

I used one hand to pluck out the spot he had just touched and then began to twirl a few curls through my fingers over and over. “Salutations Father,” I replied in as bright a tone as I could muster. He turned the radio up as he chuckled; the car filled with the poppy, upbeat tempo of the 80s music my dad has never been able to move past. We pulled off and I leaned back in my seat, still twisting my curls through my fingers. The lights that lined the side of the roads and shone brightly from the windows of apartments and businesses flashed across my face as I stared out the window and mumbled the words to a Salt-N-Pepa song and my dad tapping along to the beat on the steering wheel. This was good, comfortable, peaceful; many things have changed throughout my life, but I could always count on the familiarity, the sameness, of drives with my dad.

~*****~

The sound of the garage door closing behind the car and the abrupt stop of music woke me up. It was a slow process, I rubbed my eyes and turned to look at my dad, groaning a little. He gave me a sympathetic smile and opened his door. “Get up sleepy head,” he exclaimed in a singsong voice and stepped out of the car. I heard the trunk pop open and felt the car jostle a little before he slammed the trunk shut. “Emerald, come on! It’s 10 steps,” he called.

“Yea, 10 steps into the house and another million to my bed,” I grumbled to him as I stepped out of the car and swung my canvas bag over my shoulder. Immediately, the smell of red beans wafted to me and if I hadn’t been so anxious, I would have been excited, but as it was, I hadn’t eaten in a few days, I don’t exactly remember how many. The peace I had found on the ride there was quickly melting away, replaced by a rapid heartbeat and the inability to breathe.

“Smells like your Mama cooked, lucky for you girly,” he commented offhandedly. “I’m gonna put your stuff in your room, Em. Go eat something, I’m sure you haven’t in a while.” _He knows me so well._ He left me standing in the laundry room as he continued to enter the house. With a sigh I followed after him, his lumbering steps loud on the stairs. We emerged into the kitchen and my dad continued through the living room and up the stairs that led to the bedrooms.

“Why hello my dear!” my mother exclaimed as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. “I knew I heard your Dad’s stomping. Guess the man can’t help being a giant…” I was swept into a tight hug, the only type of hugs my mom gives, as she continued, “How are you honey? Have you eaten? I made red beans; I know they might be too heavy if you are still feeling sick but I figured they would be a good pick me up.”

“Hi Mom. I’m okay but I’m not really hungry, thanks.” At that, she pulled away and gave me her signature Mom Look and a little sigh. I looked away from her face because I knew I would get annoyed if we were going to start this already. Like I get they just want to help but I don’t need the hovering and bossing me around. _If I’m not hungry I’m not fucking hungry, simple as that._

“When’s the last time you ate?” she questioned gentle; I knew she could feel my unease brewing just below the surface.

“It’s fine Mama. I’ll eat something in the morning, I’m just tired right now. I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.”

She nodded and gave my arm a little pat. “Okay, honey. Sleep well.”

~*****~

I entered my bedroom wearing nothing but a towel and slippers. I immediately noticed the pack of Saltines and juice setting on my bedside table, a small smile crept across my face until I drew closer and noticed the small white pill placed next to the other two items. _I can take it and float through the next couple of days or I can refuse and deal with the arguments until I go home. I mean it is easier than sneaking around to smoke some weed, and I’m slightly more operational when I take these than when I get shit faced. But they make me fucking crazy, the fogginess, the loss of time, inability to form a real though._ I turned away from the nightstand and went to slather lotion on my body, maybe a little too much, and throw a t-shirt on. When I was done, I walked to my desk and pulled out my laptop from the bag setting on the chair there. I flicked the switch on the wall to turn off the ceiling light as I passed on my way to bed.

The bed creaked when I sat on it and scooted to the middle. I flipped the computer open and scrolled through Netflix, trying to decide what to watch. I chose an old, early 2000s comedy, they were simple, even brain dead people could enjoy it, which was basically what I was. I glanced over to the nightstand and sighed before picking the pill up and popping it into my mouth, swallowing it quickly before I could change my mind. I nibbled on the crackers, first slowly but as time continued to pass and the medication started to take effect, I was able to eat more. Before I knew it, I had finished the whole pack and drained the glass of juice. Eventually the movie came to an end and I chose a new one to watch. At some point, I drifted off to sleep, trapped in a drug induced lucid dream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a little longer to write this than I expected. Half of the chapter I wrote while only half lucid and I think this chapter really captures that state of mind lol. What do you all think?

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in a very long time and I've never posted any of my writings on the internet so I'm hella nervous guys! Let me know what you think! BTW, not sure if most chapters will be this long (almost 3000 words) but they'll most likely never be shorter than 1000 words, for all you folks who love a long read like me. Also, I need to figure out this formatting because the "texting" doesn't look ideal right now.


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